


film reel

by just_peachyy



Series: beginning of tomorrow [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, finally ... a happy ending, i figured yall deserved it, like tooth rotting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:42:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_peachyy/pseuds/just_peachyy
Summary: '...even when I look away I am still looking. he is inside his body / and I am inside my body and it matters less and less. / shared face, shared looking.'r. siken,portrait of fryderyk in shifting light
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Series: beginning of tomorrow [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736872
Comments: 13
Kudos: 64





	film reel

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is!! I had been reading the comments on still water and I decided that the story was a bit too unfinished ... I had put these two through a lot, and I had put _you_ guys through a lot, my dear readers! So this is my way of making it up to you. It is recommended that you guys read my previous fic still water before you read this one, though - this one is meant to be a direct continuation of that one, and picks up immediately where I left off. I didn't have a beta reader, so all mistakes are mine! Enjoy :)
> 
> Also, special thanks to user @iotr for mentioning a softer world comic under still water; it really inspired me and I kept referring back to it when I was stuck! Here it is: "the sun is shining / and the birds are singing / and because today is the very last day / they will sing forever."  
> 

_two years ago_

First snow! How bitter it was, Gintoki thought, to have snowed like this for the first time, so heavily and without the carelessness that a first, light snow should have. It had a cool indifference that made Gintoki dread going home to his small flat above Otose's, where the empty yawn of the mattress would tempt him to stay for a couple days until the old hag came looking for him. 

He thinks of Shoyou-sensei and his summertime home, and of the salt-tail dragonflies in the spring and the heavy, stifling heat of the summer. The memory is so fresh, so fierce and raw that he stumbles, and catches himself with one hand on the smooth stone of a building. 

"Hey," someone says from behind him. "You okay?" 

Gintoki turns. 

The night dissolves into snapshots when he meets Hijikata. The white haze clinging to his lips as he speaks, brow creased with worry. The cooling of the tears on his cheeks. The sardonic banter between the two of them that implies that they've known each other forever. The brush of the noren across his shoulders, like he was passing from the mundane into the divine - he wipes his eyes on his scarf and sighs, sliding into the corner seat at the bar and pouring Hijikata a cup of sake from the tokkuri. He won't ever forget how he looked on that lonely street the night they met, nor will he forget the way he looked in that bar, with the warm lights touching his shoulders and draping itself over them like a lover. The firm set of his mouth, his bottom lip plump and inviting bites. The beauty mark beneath his lip, the arch of his brow, the proud cheekbones and nose. But his eyes - and his voice too, it all made Gintoki think of a scent from a dream, a song heard playing from another room. He was, strangely, both intimately familiar and unknowable all at once. 

"You wanna get outta here," Gintoki murmurs, bending close enough for him to see the blush kiss his ears. He thinks about inviting Hijikata up to his apartment, but he thinks better of it. 

Hijikata looks up at him with stoic challenge in his eyes, and his hand slides down the bar to take his hand. 

They take a taxi a couple of blocks down to his apartment - then, nothing. They kiss once, laughing nervously like teenagers at the placement of their hands, but once they're settled on the couch Hijikata cups his face in calloused hands and presses a sweet, lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth. His lips part on a gasp as if in relief and he shifts, pressing back for more more more. 

Like a drink of water. Like he's breaking face first through water to get the first gulp of air in a lifetime, in many lifetimes over. Hijikata is addictive, unlike anything Gintoki had ever had before but still so painfully familiar that it makes his teeth ache. 

They both taste like sake and lingering melancholy and it drives Gintoki crazy and they press back and forth like and he slides his hands around Hijikata's waist even as snow lights gently on the ground outside and all around them. 

** 

_now_

It had taken a lot of sneaking about, but he had finally gotten the measurements right. It had only taken a hard drinking session with Hijikata to celebrate the upcoming new year, ending with the both of them slurring their congratulations and declarations of love to the other and trading clumsy kisses before Hijikata had collapsed face down onto the bed, arm hanging over the edge in deep sleep. 

Gintoki had experienced a sense of dead calm, but as he wrapped a ribbon around Hijikata's finger he was overcome with a giddiness. 

He took the measurements and marked it with a pencil, squinting down at the ribbon before going to the bathroom and closing the door. He had hidden a notebook in the bottom cabinet of the sink, where Hijikata never looks, and scribbles down the measurement and sticks the ribbon in there for good measure. He claps his hands over his mouth and slides down the door, giggling stupidly into his hands. 

He was really doing this. He was really going to do this. It was the single stupidest and bravest thing he had ever done, and he was terrified out of his mind, and yet - and yet! 

He remembers the feeling of the band between his palms. Cool and light, like the crisp bite of an apple in the summertime. Gintoki thinks about seeing the ring, carrying it around and picking Hijikata up from work - his brain stutters and skips and he thinks about seeing the ring on his finger, the careless set of his wrist and his strong palms. He thinks about seeing him wearing it in the most mundane situations; carrying a mug, opening a door, spinning a pen, brushing back his hair. It makes him shiver in delight and he grins up at the ceiling.

Gintoki falls asleep against the door, thinking about a ring and his lover's hands.

** 

_before_

Gintoki shows him around Otose's part of Tokyo - his own part of Tokyo. They eat at a run-down, traditional restaurant, and the owner and his wife take a liking to sure-footed, flinty Hijikata almost immediately. Hijikata pays for their meal, which Gintoki argues weakly against before dragging him out to kick around at an arcade that he sometimes goes to, where only schoolkids come to blow their allowance on dates and where Gintoki used to work part-time. 

The streets are already full to the brim from the people milling about, enjoying their Friday night. Gintoki cannot help but wonder how they look to the people around them. They aren't holding hands, they aren't walking too close - are they? They just look like old friends, maybe. Are they standing too close? 

Hijikata seems unbothered by this, commenting on this or that, looking around at the neon signs and the blinking lights of the street. Gintoki wants to take his hand. He settles for brushing his pinky against his, light enough to be an accident. It makes him ache.

Gintoki nods at the owner when they walk in, and Hijikata heads straight for a cluster of machines. He messes around with the claw machine immediately, stoically taking out his wallet for change for the fifth time after failing to grab the mayora keychain. "It's rigged," he declares to Gintoki's expression of mingled pity and tenderness. 

"Tsk! Hijikata-kun, you're no good at this! Give me that -" Gintoki takes the coin from him, slots it in neatly, and jiggles the joystick and cracks his knuckles for show. The claw machine drops, just as he practiced. It scoops up the keychain, and catches on the ring of another object, pulling them both neatly into the drop box. Hijikata's mouth is pursed in begrudging defeat, and he accepts the keychain with stiff gestures. 

"Guess I'll keep this one - unless you want it?" Gintoki swings a small plushie on a ring around his finger. It's shaped like a white dog with curling eyebrows and a lolling tongue. 

"Keep it." Hijikata pockets the keychain and smiles ferally at the air hockey table. "I'll kick your ass at _that_ , though."

"Is that so!" Gintoki crows, and he stalks over to the red side and proceeds to get his ass thoroughly kicked and handed to him by a very smug Hijikata.

Gintoki goes home with his pride smarting, but a stolen kiss burning against his lips. Something magnetic between them, burning from the first time they met. The great maw of it - the promise, the dizzying fall of it - scared Gintoki more than it should. But something about Hijikata made him want to take a running leap into its jaws.  
  
As he gets home, he sighs at the small window above his mattress. He can hear traffic and chatter outside, and a bird comes to perch on the sill opposite.

**

_now_

"Oh God. Fuck." Hijikata blinks into the pillow and groans. He heaves himself onto his side, mouth full of cotton and his brain twisted into a pretzel. His head throbs in complaint at his own voice, the reverberations in his skull, the sliver of light from the windows thrown against the wall opposite. 

He hates hangovers. 

He hates beer! Beer always gets you drunk if you have enough, but the day after is clumsy and fuzzy. He braces himself and sits up, blinking like an owl as he orients himself. 

Nearly noon. Tuesday. Almost the new year, just on the cusp. He's alone in their bedroom, but there are traces of Gintoki everywhere. The sweater thrown haphazardly over the back of his desk chair, and the small depression in the bed. He slides his hand over it, wishing vainly that it was even the smallest bit warm. 

There are painkillers and a bottle of water on the nightstand, and Hijikata smiles. There's a note pinned under the bottle too, in Gintoki's sharp, impatient script. 

_Went out for groceries. Took your wallet. Drink this and take some pills when you wake up, sleeping beauty._

He scoffs but downs two pills and half the bottle anyway. He glances over at the stack of work on his desk and decides against it, but does go into the kitchen to poke around for something to eat. He settles on cold leftovers from the Chinese place, eating them standing up and leaning against the counter. He flips through the mail while he's at it - he vaguely remembers going downstairs last night in Gintoki's coat and a pair of slippers to grab it before running back upstairs. 

There's a card from Mitsuba for the new year, and one from Tamegorou and Yayoi too. One written death threat from Sougou, and a sheaf of bills and leaflets from the supermarket with neat squares already torn out by Gintoki. 

He washes the Tupperware out, lulled by the rush of cool water over his hands. He has felt oddly calm ever since coming back from Bushu. Gintoki has grown closer, as if the cracks along the bridge connecting them were sealed and welded together. He misses his brother, his wife, and Mitsuba, even the little cat at the market. 

He goes to sit at his desk and fits a cigarette between his lips, but doesn't light it. He takes out some paper and a pen, and thinks of what to write; cards to all of them in Bushu, for sure. One for Gintoki, one for Kondou-san, and one for Sougou. He ends up spinning the pen idly across his fingers for ten minutes, with the odd thought that everything that should have been said has been. He sighs and pulls a file towards him and opens it up to look at his latest project; translating a couple snippets of an English novel into Japanese for a serial. He scratches out a few lines, adds new ones, scribbles down footnotes and ideas about some passages a couple lines back. He works in a lull for a while, his hangover slowly but surely clearing by increments. 

There's the click of the door unlocking, and a sigh of cool air rushing in.

"I'm home," Gintoki calls. 

"Welcome home," Hijikata calls back, going out to greet him. He takes the plastic bags from him and puts them on the counter while Gintoki hangs his coat back up in the closet. His cheeks are flushed pink from the cold, and his lazy brown eyes are bright from being outside. Hijikata wants to kiss him. 

"Did you just wake up?" Gintoki asks, bumping shoulders with him as they start to unpack. 

Hijikata nods, taking out a bottle of mirin and putting it in the cabinet. "Thanks for the water and the painkillers."

"D'you see my note?" He grins. 

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah. Give me my wallet back." 

The only hint that he gets is the mock-innocent look that comes into Gintoki's eyes before he bounds away, cackling, wallet held triumphantly in his hand. Hijikata gives chase after him, following him around the living room and into the bedroom, where he finally corners him.

"Hijikata-kun! No! Wait, don't hurt me, I only bought two cartons of strawberry milk this time!" Gintoki throws up his hands in surrender. 

"Kick the wallet over and this will end quietly." Hijikata threatens, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling. 

It gets thrown at his face but Hijikata jerks to the side and dodges it, diving towards Gintoki and pinning him to the bed. 

"Idiot," He growls, straddling his waist and pinning his wrists to the pillows. Gintoki howls as Hijikata digs his fingers right below his ribs, wriggles and writhes, trying to displace him. 

"You love me," Gintoki tries to tease, but there's a flush rising to his pale cheeks and dusting along his ears. Hijikata wants to see it go down to his neck and to the top of his chest. 

"Do I?" He murmurs, leaning down and kissing the corner of his mouth. Gintoki calms underneath him with a soft sigh, mouth curving into a smile. 

Who is he kidding? Of course he does. Maybe it was by chance they met that time two years ago, but it was something that Hijikata would do over and over, and never change. 

Gintoki makes a plaintive noise and turns his head, wanting a proper kiss, and Hijikata gives it to him - or rather, he lets him take one from him. He's greedy for it, winding his fingers through his hair to keep him in place, slinging a leg carelessly over his hip to keep him there. 

Later, when Hijikata's got Gintoki laid out and sweating around him, he traces a finger down his cheek, to his throat and to his chest, where he's flushed a sweet pink all the way down to his nipples. Gintoki shivers and moans shakily. 

"Turn over," Hijikata says, nudging his side. Gintoki huffs but does it anyway, pushing his face into the pillows. Hijikata takes his hips and strokes along the jut of his pelvic bones before pushing into his tight heat again, drawing groans from them both. It's already unbearably hot, but Hijikata drapes himself over the expanse of Gintoki's back so that he can put his lips to his ear and bite. 

Gintoki cries out and shivers, clenching tight around Hijikata for a moment. 

"Mine," Hijikata murmurs. "You're mine."

"Yeah," Gintoki shakes out, grinding back in little circles. "Hijikata -" 

"Mmm."

"To-Toshirou," he gasps out, reaching back to his hip so he can grab at Hijikata's hand, and bring it down near his mouth. He presses a clumsy kiss to his knuckles, squeezing his eyes shut. The gesture - no, maybe the entire moment, makes Hijikata ache with fondness. 

"I love you," he says softly, and Gintoki gurgles and puts his face into the sheets, but Hijikata sees that his mouth is smiling. 

**

_before_

"It's stupid." Hijikata grumbles, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. 

"Please? I won't tease you that much for it, I promise!" Gintoki whines, lying on the bed with his head hanging over the edge. He looks at Hijikata upside down as he stands before the closet, pulling out this and that. 

"If you laugh, I'll kill you." Hijikata threatens, but he sighs. "Tomorrow at 3, okay? We're driving somewhere."

Gintoki rolls his eyes but turns up at 3 anyway, dressed in one of Hijikata's borrowed sweaters.The spring weather has been surprisingly mellow and kind. 

Hijikata is leaning up against Kondou-san's borrowed truck, smoking and frowning down at his phone. He notices Gintoki and waves, dropping the cigarette and crushing it out. "Let's go."

"You're not going to kill me in the mountains or anything, right?" Gintoki asks weakly, rolling down the window on the freeway and propping his arm against it. 

"Would I have borrowed Kondou-san's car to do it?" Hijikata deadpans, lighting another cigarette. He's rolled down his window too, and they're mostly shouting over the roar of the wind, but Gintoki loves it. He loves the punch-drunk feeling of getting out and stretching his legs after only being able to hear the wind and the hiss of the wheels against the road. He looks out at the landscape from the rest-stop, taking in the weak clouds that still stream away from him as if in a hurry to get somewhere. There are even swallows too, chirruping from the trees behind the fence. Hijikata is paying for gas and the dango that Gintoki had wheedled out of him, and he comes out with a bag of food and spinning the car keys on his finger. 

"Are we there yet?" Gintoki asks, his mouth full of dango. It's been two hours of them driving with music, with wind, with the both of them shouting over the rush of the road and bickering. 

"Don't speak with your mouth full," Hijikata snaps back, but he points out the dashboard to the horizon; if Gintoki squints, he can see the shy peak of a mountain poking out of the foliage. He looks down at his ratty sneakers, at Hijikata, then back to the mountain. That explains the hiking boots that Hijikata is wearing. 

"Hey, uh, Hijikata-kun - "

"I know you don't have the right shoes."

"And -"

"You don't really know if you're up to hiking, but it's okay Gintoki. We're not going to climb the mountain. Not today, anyway." Hijikata grins at the mountain. Gintoki does not like the feral, challenging look in his eyes. 

"Right," he sinks back into his seat, looking out the window and chewing on his dango. 

When they arrive, Gintoki stands up to an alarming series of cracking noises from his back. Hijikata is stretching too, and then he's grabbing a backpack from the trunk and beckoning Gintoki forward towards one of the signposts that point up towards the trails.

"I thought you said we wouldn't be climbing the mountain," Gintoki says weakly. 

"We aren't," he replies shortly. "Come on, perm-head." He grabs his hand and Gintoki thinks maybe this isn't that bad after all. 

Turns out that the trail takes twenty minutes, and all along the way Gintoki can see small signs nailed into the trees. That reassures the part of him that screams that they might get lost and that mountain spirits might disembowel him for trespassing on their property. There's a small wooden platform at the end of the trail, and there are a couple families taking pictures and crowding along the fence at the view. Hijikata beckons and motions towards a gap in the low railing. 

"Oh no," Gintoki says, paling. "We're not going off the trail, Hijikata-kun -" They'd slip and die! They'd fall off the mountain and starve to death at the bottom, or mountain spirits would get to them first and disembowel them for trespassing.

"I've been here a million times, you baby. Come on, while everyone's turned around." Without waiting for an answer, Hijikata slips into the foliage. Gintoki curses his choice in people and follows after him, batting plants and branches out of the way before something grabs his wrist. He barely bites down on a yelp of surprise and blinks up at Hijikata. 

"Watch where you're going," he murmurs. Gintoki looks up at him - the damp light filtering through the leaves has cast a strange, green shadow on his features, making his blue eyes stand out sharper and clearer than usual. Hijikata leads him for a bit through the bare trees that have just started to bud, with a deep green flush rising to the surface of their bark like a blush. It smells like rot and rich earth, fresh from rain and dew-fall. Hijikata lets go of his hand, and he almost trips over a tree root, steadying himself against a shivering tree. He opens his mouth to chew him out, but he looks up and Hijikata is gone. 

"Hey, uh, Hijikata-kun?"

"Over here," his voice calls, and Gintoki follows it. 

He's spread out the blanket right underneath where the trees bow out of the way for the sky, where the clear, weary blue spread shot with veins of white hovers over them, this close to collapsing. Gintoki falls back onto it with a sigh of relief, watching the clouds. Hijikata drops some onigiri onto his stomach, eyes fixed on the edge of the clearing. 

"Eat."

"Are we in a rush?" Gintoki gripes, but he eats anyway. It's umeboshi, except a touch sweeter than usual. It cheers him up that Hijikata would remember such a thing, and he leans back and settles into the lull of having him next to him. 

Soon enough, the sun begins to set: the sky begins to blush, first veined as delicately as a leaf with peach and weak pinks, before being streaked as heavily as a dry riverbed with deep orange and moody violet, as if someone's spilled paint. Hijikata is relaxed next to him, their hands touching on the blanket. Gintoki grips it hard, and Hijikata squeezes back as the sky turns and yawns and tucks its colorful corners under itself. The clearing is silent, eerily so, save for the chirping of bugs and the occasional chattering of smaller animals. The clearing smells of wet grass more than ever now, of the rot and loam of things growing and passing. 

Instead of feeling scared, he feels strangely at peace. The mountain reminds him of Shoyou-sensei, of his superstitions and stories about yokai and monsters at night. It reminds him of the warm weight of his hand against the crown of his head, a reassuring pressure that grounded him. He dozes, Hijikata's warmth a steady presence at his side. When he wakes up it is with a jerk and a small gasp, and then he remembers where he is and sits up. 

Or, at least he tries to. He immediately smacks his face into Hijikata's, and they both yelp and fall back. 

"Idiot," Hijikata says, but it lacks the usual fire. He's holding a hand over his nose and checks for blood, and when his hand comes away clean he grimaces a little. "I was going to wake you up."

"Right," Gintoki's eyes are watering but he sits up gingerly. The clearing is pitch black around them, and he feels a shiver go up his spine. "Uh, so about murdering me in the mountains -"

"Not so loud," Hijikata grabs his wrist and points up, pressing his thigh into his. Gintoki follows his motion up and draws in a long, slow breath at the sight.

Stars. Hundreds of them - no, it must be thousands of them, shining their steady light on him from millions of light years away, making him feel unsteady and wavering with their sheer size and number. He feels dwarfed by them, and he can't help but collapse back onto the picnic blanket to take it all in. You never see as many as these in the city - it takes Gintoki's breath away, makes him feel almost nauseous with how small he feels. They look like shards of glass crushed and scattered out against black velvet, and if Gintoki squints he can see the frail halo of light that surrounds the city two hours away, glowing in the darkness like some pale mockery of a lighthouse. 

He can feel some of the stuffiness lifting, the suffocation that he didn't know he felt from living in the city like the miasma of a bad dream clearing from around his head. He looks up at the sky, could get drunk on the chips of glass and crystal and crushed ice that blink at him against their backdrop of ink.

Hijikata's hand slides down from around his wrist down to his hand, twining their fingers together. He's lying back too, his brow smooth and free from the usual frown, his eyes soft and wondrous. The shape of his mouth, the angle of his jaw - a million people could be watching, but Gintoki would have still kissed him right then and there among the rotting leaves and the damp, fragrant grass. 

**

_now_

"It's freezing!" Gintoki howls, pushing into the warmth of the bar from the windy, unwelcoming cold of the outside. 

"Gintoki!" Otose snaps right back, pointing to the broom and the noren. "You're ten minutes late! Get to it!" 

"Old dictator hag." Gintoki snatches the broom from the corner. 

"Lazy good-for-nothing." Otose wipes down another glass and sets it on the shelf.

"Cruel bat," Gintoki sweeps forcefully, glaring at Otose.

"Perm and air head."

"What! That one didn't even make sense!" 

"I don't pay you to question me!" 

Although their bickering lasts most of the night, he can't keep his mind off of the ring - which means his work at Otose's suffers for it, and somehow she can smell the distraction on him and ends his shift ten minutes before it's supposed to end, which is great because the next girl, Tama, always comes in fifteen minutes early to help out. Gintoki thanks the both of them and leaps out the door, and as he does he thinks that he catches the barest glimpse of tenderness in Otose's eyes. 

It's snowing. The wind is chill but slow, and the sky is the color of slate. The lights of the city envelop him, and he has to take second to orient himself. 

He tucks his nose against Hijikata's scarf and walks with his head tilted down against the wind, but when he gets to the crosswalk he raises his eyes. The lights become swollen, weak watercolors when he squints against the wind, and the asphalt is a slick, unending black. He bounces on the balls of his feet, ignoring small looks from the other pedestrians. The light signal on the other side has a small cap of snow, and he smiles at it. When his eyes drift down, he meets a pair of familiar blue ones in a small crowd on the other side, waiting for the same light. 

Seeing Hijikata at the cost of not being able to pick up the ring tonight, Gintoki muses, and he smiles at Hijikata from across the street and the returned tilt of his mouth is so soft and sweetly familiar that it makes him ache with it. 

The light blinks white for pedestrians and the crowd parts and flows around Gintoki like a river around a stone, and Hijikata crosses over to meet him. 

He would so like to kiss him! Gintoki settles for brushing a hand against Hijikata's cheek instead under the guise of brushing snowflakes from his face, and when he catches his eye he knows that he would like to do the same. 

"Take your scarf back," Gintoki grumbles, starting to unloop the scarf from around his neck. Hijikata shakes his head and stops him with a hand on his. 

"Keep it. We're only a couple blocks away," he murmurs. His hand drops from his as pedestrians start to gather at the crosswalk again. Gintoki's hands are cold. 

They walk in companionable silence back towards their apartment, and when they turn onto their side street, Hijikata takes a breath and looks around before taking Gintoki's hand and squeezing tight. His heart swells and he squeezes right back, leaning into Hijikata and bumping shoulders. 

As Hijikata picks out his key from his ring, Gintoki sighs and leans into him, pressing his mouth clumsily against the rise of his cheekbone. Hijikata lets him, and getting the door open, nudges them both inside. 

Gintoki crowds him against the closet in their entrance and holds him there, arms round his waist and his face tucked into the crook of his neck. He smells like his cologne and outside air. He can feel his pulse, the slow rhythm of his breathing. 

"What?" Hijikata asks, letting his hand fall heavy against Gintoki's back. 

"I hate it," Gintoki murmurs.

"Hate what?" 

"That - that I can't - " he huffs, frustrated. He frowns and turns his face deeper into Hijikata, arms tightening. "That I can't kiss you hello. In public, I mean, not without the entire street staring at us." 

Hijikata stills for a moment, before he pokes Gintoki in the side. "Come on. Shoes off. Let's go inside."

Gintoki grumbles but toes his shoes off, following Hijikata into the apartment. Does Otose even know about them? Do Hijikata's friends know about them? Good God. This is going to make him faint. He blushes bright red at the thought of Hijikata telling Kondou-san. 

Hijikata is fetching glasses and shuffling around in the fridge for something or another. Gintoki watches his shoulders move under his rumpled dress shirt, his overcoat and his blazer already cast off on the couch. His shirt is untucked in the back, sticking out like a duck's tail.

"It bothers me too." Hijikata says suddenly. "At the crosswalk - well. You probably know." The look they shared. 

Gintoki shrugs a bit. Hijikata slides over a beer and a plate of chips between them at the table and sits down with a sigh. 

"Listen, maybe this is a bad time to ask, but I've been meaning to bring it up with you for a while." Hijikata murmurs.

"Huh?" He feels a small thrill of apprehension but he puts his forearms on the table, leans forward. "Alright ... I won't freak out. Say, I'll even smile and nod if you say something good." He picks up a chip and waves it at him. 

"Generous of you," Hijikata says dryly. "I was going to ask if you - well, you don't have to answer right away, and I know it's out of nowhere but - if you - I mean - if you wanted to move in. With me. Here." 

Gintoki's jaw drops. He drops his chip too for good measure. 

"What?" 

"Move in? With me?" Hijikata frowns, apprehensive, scratching the back of his head. 

"Me? You want me to -" 

"For God's sake, Gintoki! It's either yes or no!" Hijikata throws up his hands, but a smile is twitching at the corner of his mouth. Gintoki smiles back at him, shit-eating grin to the max. 

He leans across the table to get right into Hijikata's face. "Ask me again."

"Fuck right off."

"Hijikata-kun -" he gets a handful of chips stuffed into his mouth. He chews furiously and when his mouth is empty, he makes an affronted noise at the crease in Hijikata's brow and grabs his hand.

"Yes! Of course I'll move in with you," Gintoki cries. "Idiot! Springing that kinda thing on me -" 

"It's not that big of a deal," Hijikata tries for a gruff tone, but when he meets Gintoki's eyes they are bright. "And you said you wouldn't freak out. And that you'd smile and nod if I said something good."

"You're a class A idiot." Gintoki affirms, coming around the table and throwing his arms around Hijikata. 

"Hey, wait. Let me go for a second." 

"Huh? No, carry me if you want to go somewhere!" 

"Gintoki, seriously."

"Ah," he lets go and backs away a step. Hijikata hurries into his bedroom and he hears the shuffling of papers and books before he comes back out, fist clenched tightly at his side.

"Whoa, whoa, hey, you can't punch your roommate that's against the -!" He flinches back and shuts his eyes, waiting for the impact. There's only the gentle clink of metal. 

Gintoki blinks. 

It's a key. And a keychain. Hanging from Hijikata's finger like a ring, and he spins it once before dropping it. Gintoki catches them, and he can feel the hot burn of tears in the back of his throat. 

It's the mayora keychain that he won for him what feels like eons ago, in that arcade that's now closed. He gives a small, shaky laugh and wipes his eyes, looking at the spare key in his palm. 

"Oy - oy, don't cry, you don't have to move in right away -" Hijikata's hands flutter around his face on hesitation before sweeping him into a tight hug. "This was too much at once, huh? Here -"

"You're an idiot," Gintoki sobs into his shoulder, the cut of the key digging sharply into his palm, reminding him that this is real, this is real. 

He moves in on the weekend, and it takes one trip in Kondou-san's borrowed truck to move his things to Hijikata's. A small, wriggling tendril of thought prods Gintoki to ask Hijikata how he got Kondou-san to lend him the car - what would he have said? Helping a friend move in? Moving in with his boyfriend? 

He doesn't ask, in the end. He drops his duffel bags of clothes on the floor of Hijikata's bedroom and grins at the squeaky window that gets stuck and doesn't open sometimes, at the high ceilings in the kitchen, at the weird stain on the sofa that Hijikata bought second hand from Saitou. This is home, now. He goes outside, humming, and contemplates the apartment complex with its functioning AC and heating unit, that doesn't get too hot from being above a bar or too cold fromt he drafts in the morning. An apartment complex all to himself and Hijikata! He would see Hijikata in all his moments, and he would see him as well. It almost feels too much - of what? He feels like singing. 

When he turns around, Hijikata is contemplating his mattress, face bright red. 

"What? What's wrong?" 

"I mean - I don't have a spare room, and you brought your mattress and -" 

"Are you stupid?"

"What!" Hijikata whirls on him, brow creased in confusion and vexation. A white cloud of air puffs out in front of his lips at his indignant huff of breath.

"Aren't we dating, idiot? Can't we sleep in the same bed?" Maybe that was a bit too bold, considering the blindsided look on Hijikata's face and the fact that they're under the awning of an apartment complex, where anyone could walk out and hear them.

"I -" Hijikata opens and closes his mouth. He frowns again, deeper this time. "You're right. Sorry about that." He says stiffly. He considers the mattress again.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gintoki asks.

"What?" 

"What do you mean, 'sorry'?" 

"What! I mean that I should have thought that - that you wanted to sleep with me - I mean! Not like that -" 

"Hijikata-kun, you're making it worse," Gintoki hums, and Hijikata goes bright pink and picks up a box of his things and walks hurriedly up the stairs. Laughing, Gintoki follows him upstairs with another box. 

(One mystery that was solved, though, but not the way that Gintoki would have wanted: when he had announced his moving out to Otose with a final envelope containing his rent for the past month, she had smiled slyly at him.

"With your lawyer boy, huh?" She had asked, surreptitiously opening the envelope and casting a shrewd eye over the bills.

"With - he's not! He's not my boy -" 

"Hmm. Right then, Gintoki. Be safe."

"You -!" 

Tama had poked her head around the corner to announce a reservation for the night and caught the bright red flush on Gintoki's face. 

"What now?" She asked.

"Gintoki's moving in with his boy and he thinks we didn't know about them." Otose had replied, looking bored as she opened the reservation book and marked down a name. 

"Oh, the translator? Lawyer boy." Tama raised her eyebrows. 

Gintoki had wanted to scream.) 

(Meanwhile, Hijikata also considers his actions for the day. He could never lie to Kondou-san, and even if he got away with some of it, the other man would always smell something of the truth on him, and Okita would eventually find it out. Yesterday, he had asked to borrow Kondou-san's truck, and had told the truth about helping Gintoki move. A half truth. A quarter.

"Oho! Toshi, it's about time!" Kondou-san had grinned up at him from his computer.

"Excuse me?" 

"You're moving in with your boyfr - mmmrf!" 

Hijikata dusts the rice flour of his hands and looks at the rice cake he's stuffed into Kondou-san's mouth. "Not so loud, Kondou-san." He can feel his ears burning. 

Kondou-san's jaw works furiously as he chews and swallows. "You think we didn't know?" 

"It's not that!" Hijikata lies, but by the twinkle in Kondou-san's eye he knows he's been caught out. He groans and rolls his eyes. 

"What's this about his boyfriend?" Sougou says loudly, popping up from his cubicle. 

Hijikata almost dives towards him, hands outstretched for his throat. )

**

_before_

He feels very greedy sometimes. He sees Hijikata on the afternoons or in the evenings, and rarely in the mornings after he's spent the night, and even then he is strict about letting him spend only certain nights of the week with him, saying he has work late the next day. He gets all this, but he wants more. He always wants more. The mornings after are his most cherished time, when he can see Hijikata soft and blurry from sleep, the dregs of it barely flushed from his face. When he emerges from the bathroom with a toothbrush between his lips, jerking a thumb behind him to Gintoki to let him know it's his turn. 

Gintoki always comes out in time for a mug of coffee left on the counter for him, and the sight of Hijikata leafing through his mail some days, a report another, or just the newspaper. Hijikata always offers to walk him home, since it is mostly on the way to his work, but Gintoki always refuses and lets himself out before Hijikata leaves for the office. It's strange seeing him all dressed up in his suit and tie when he had seen him in that terrible stretched out shirt and his boxers just the night before. 

One evening when they are supposed to meet up, Hijikata calls him sounding very stressed and harried.

"Where are you?" He asks over the phone.

"At your place, remember?" Gintoki scuffs a shoe against the wall and folds his umbrella clumsily which one hand. He shifts the plastic bag of food in his hand. Hijikata likes the sweet and sour pork they do at the Chinese place down the street. 

"Ah, you're there already - listen, I'm really sorry but I might not be getting out from work until later tonight, maybe one or two hours."

"Oh, that's alright. I bought pork and I found one of those shitty monster movies, but we can rain check for tomorrow. I'll go home for tonight, okay?" 

"Isn't it pouring?" Hijikata says tersely. "Did you bring an umbrella?" 

"Yeah, but -" 

"There's a spare key under the window railing. Let yourself in."

"Hijikata -" 

"I have to go. I'll see you later." Hijikata replies hastily, and he's saying something to someone on his end and then Gintoki is hearing the dial tone. 

He huffs a sigh and shifts his grip on the food and the umbrella to wiggle his fingers under the window railing. Sure enough, there's a key fitted neatly under the metal, and he draws it out and lets himself in.

The apartment seems eerily big and empty to him. It seems like a place for two or three people to live in, but Hijikata has made the one spare bedroom into an office and working space. 

He leaves his umbrella at the genkan and puts the food in the fridge, tossing the monster movie onto the counter (Giant Stingray VS Laser Eel 2 !!) and hanging his jacket over the back of a chair. 

He stands in the middle of the living room with his hands on his hips. It's too quiet. He turns on the radio to one of the preset stations and that's how he discovers that Hijikata likes jazz, and he keeps it low as he wanders around the place. He doesn't go into his office, but he does go into the bedroom to look out the window. He slumps when all he sees are the rivulets of rain that stream down, temperamental springtime.

He lies spread-eagle on the bed and heaves a sigh, wishing the spot beside him were only the barest bit warm. If he turns his head, he can see the stack of books on his nightstand (one english-japanese dictionary, one copy of Tolstoy's War and Peace, and one photo album), and the reading glasses perched on top of the pile. 

The photo album draws his attention and he leafs curiously through it. It's all pictures of him when he was younger - there's Hijikata standing in front of a sprawling house, a man that looks awfully like him standing at his shoulder. He must be no older than 15 or 16 in the pictures. A picture of him at graduation, face flushed and his diploma held above his head, his other arm around the shoulders of an ill-shaven boy. A picture of a river gives him pause. There's the unsettling, lingering feeling of déjà vue, but as he looks at the faded slate grey and foam white of the river the feeling fades as quickly as it came. 

Then, a picture of him and a girl. They're both flushed from the heat, and by the bright green of the fields behind them, it does seem like summer, or at least the tail end of spring. Their arms are linked together, and her head rests on his shoulder, and they both grin, although Hijikata's is a bit strained in the flustered way that teenage boys have around girls their age. The girl is pretty, for sure, in the wavering, gentle way that a candle flame might be. She looks familiar. 

Gintoki puts the photo album back on the stack, feeling distinctly like he's seen too much of something that he wasn't supposed to see in the first place. He lies down, his stomach twisting into silly, immature knots of jealousy. He doesn't even remember falling asleep until he heard the door click open and shut, and he jerks awake as footsteps draw nearer and nearer to the bedroom.

"It's me. Sorry I took so long." Hijikata murmurs, drawing the blinds and clicking on the lamp.

"Sorry," Gintoki slurs, eyes not even fully open. "Tried to stay up."

"Go back to sleep," Hijikata says softly, and through bleary eyes he can see him changing into comfortable clothes, leaving his suit cast over the back of a chair. He comes over and smoothes a hand over Gintoki's hair once, like a cat.

Just like that, Gintoki drops off on command, head hitting the pillow and slipping back into a dream about the river from the photo.

**  
_now_

Gintoki dreams about the river. He dreams about Bushu, except this time it's strange and stilted, like coming into your house and realizing all the furniture has been shifted two inches to the left from where they are supposed to be. He dreams that he walks down to the river and stands at the bank, and across the bank he can see a figure standing exactly opposite, exactly still, before it advances into the water and Gintoki realizes that he is doing it too. The water doesn't feel cold in the dream; rather, it feels lukewarm and tepid, and he hears people calling out to him from the banks.

He wakes up when the water touches his lashes, and he jerks up, nearly snapping his head against the wall. 

His movement jars Hijikata, who grumbles but stays asleep. It's barely 7AM. 

Deeply disconcerted, Gintoki pinches himself to make sure this is real. There are scattered boxes around the room, reminding him of all the unpacking he has to do. He looks out the window and sees snow and cloaked branches, and he sighs, picking up his phone and going out into the living room. He sits in front of the veranda doors and scrolls through numbers before picking one and calling.

Yayoi-san answers on the third ring. 

"The world must be ending if you're up this early, Gintoki!" Yayoi-san laughs, strident and loud. 

"You're right, a meteor's about to hit Tokyo and I just wanted to say goodbye," Gintoki rolls onto his back so that he can look out at the still-dark deep navy of the sky.

"Ha. What is it? Has something happened?" 

"I had a strange dream, and ... I wanted to ask your advice." 

"About the dream?"

"No, just advice about - well." Gintoki tells her about the dream first, to which she replies with a long silence, then a promise to ask around the village and find out the meaning for him. He hesitates before telling her about the ring, about his plans.

"I moved in with Hiji - Toshirou. And I'm planning on propo - giving him a ring. I know we can't get married here, but -" 

"Oh, Gintoki! That's amazing! Tamegorou will cry if he hears this, I'm already tearing up -" To Gintoki's immense mortification, he hears her sniff.

"Ahh! Please don't cry! I just - I mean - I just wanted to ask how Tamegorou-san did it for you. Proposing, I mean."

"I'll never forget it," she replies, and her voice takes on a special warmth she reserves only for speaking about Tamegorou and their past that makes Gintoki flush with warmth: he wonders if he sounds like that when he talks about Hijikata. "He took me out to the mountain for a picnic, and while we were standing in the stream he dropped to his knees on the bank and -" she laughs again. "But Gintoki, you'll do it the way you want to."

The way he wants to? He just wants to see the ring on Hijikata's finger - feel the cool band touching his when they hold hands, or would it be warmed by his skin? He wants to see him wearing it every moment of the day, wants to wake up to him caressing his face while wearing it.

He slips out while Hijikata is still asleep and walks down to the jewelry store, where he placed his order. 

"Welcome!" The clerk at the jewelry store singsongs when he enters. The pensive, almost melancholic mood clears almost immediately when he sees the glittering cases of stones and jewelry. 

"I have an order! Sakata, please." he says, and he can't help the smile that splits his face at the thought of finally, finally having the ring and being able to - 

"The ring! Congratulations,"The woman fetches a box from underneath the counter and sets it in front of him. 

"Can I open it?" 

"Go ahead." 

Gintoki slides his fingers over the lid; crushed velvet in a deep satin grey that yields under his fingers. The box clips open and he bites his lip at the shine of the ring - a thick band of white gold with an inscription on the inside. The sight of it makes an unnameable emotion well up inside of him - anticipation, fear, excitement, love - all of them poured together and threatening to make him burst at the seams, overflowing from the mold.

"It's perfect." He says, his voice hushed. 

"Your girlfriend is very lucky," The clerk says, smiling as she closes and locks the case. 

She misses the way that Gintoki's smile dims a little at her words. 

"Right," he agrees stiffly. "How much will it be?" 

He walks home with his head in the clouds, hand in his pocket and turning the box over again and again. How should he - where should he - when should he do anything? Now that hes gotten the ring, it seems so foolish and insurmountable to him. What if Hijikata says no? What if - what if he just gets depressed by the fact that they can't marry here? Wait, but they can't get married here in the first place. The ring is just a symbolic thing. What if he think's it's frivolous?

Gintoki groans and fists his hands in his hair.

"Danna," A bored voice says from behind him. "What's wrong with you? Are you finally losing it?"

"Okita-kun!" Gintoki just about jumps out of his skin, pinned to the ground by his peculiar brown eyes. They look as bored as ever, and they rake over him once, lingering on the collar of the sweater that he's borrowed from Hijikata. 

"What are you doing here?" Gintoki asks, flailing mentally.

"I live here, danna. Care to come inside for tea?" Okita raises his eyebrows at him first, then the building behind him.

"Ah, sure. Thanks." He replies weakly, following him upstairs. He lives in a relatively small place, cozy and just big enough for one person. He busies himself at the kettle whole Gintoki perches awkwardly on one of the seats at the small table, hands twisting over themselves again and again. 

As he looks around the apartment, he can pick out small things that are no doubt his sister's influence; the small clay figurines on the bookshelf, the neatly bound stack of books, untouched, by the TV, even the china that Okita serves sweet barley tea in. 

"Thanks," Gintoki sips at his tea and tries to stop staring at Okita's belongings.

"Ne, Danna. Are you planning on making it official with him?" By _him_ , Okita jerks his chin at the sweater. "I know you already moved in together. I can do basic math, you know."

"I - what!" He splutters, accidentally taking too large of a gulp of tea and scalding his tongue. 

"Right," Okita drawls, inspecting the grain of the wooden table as if he doesn't live here, "I don't mean to sound cliche or anything but he is my ... friend at most, colleague at the least. And though I will get my revenge on him, I won't stand for anyone hurting him before I can. Got it, danna?"

"Okita Sougou is giving me the 'friend to friend's significant other' speech?" Gintoki presses a hand to his chest in exaggerated surprise. "About Hijikata Toshirou?" 

"Just staking my claim and reminding you that if you're going to hurt him, I'd like to claim seniority and do it before you can." Okita now inspects his nails before flicking his eyes up to Gintoki's. "I was first in line, after all."

"I won't," he says firmly. "I won't hurt him. I would never."

"I believe you, danna." He spreads his fingers out against the table. "There's a firework display in the area next Friday."

"Huh?" 

Okita is taking the cup away from him and setting it down in the sink. "Don't be so dense, danna." 

"Hey!" he pauses. "Oh, you're right. Thanks for the tea and the threat, Okita-kun!"

**

_before_

"You've got it bad, Gin-san," Kagura spins in her seat, slurping obnoxiously through the straw of her empty juicebox. 

"You think I don't know that!" Gintoki howls, and Shinpachi tsks from the kitchen.

"Keep it down, Gin-san!" he says, bringing in the pot of nabe and setting it on the burner. "What, are you sick or something?" His glasses flash at him like a rebuke. 

"Or something," Gintoki moans at the same time Kagura yells "Sick with love!"

"Who's in love?" Tae pokes her head in, tying her hair back as she takes her seat. "Smells great, Shinpachi."

"Gintoki's in love!" Kagura shouts, even as Gintoki groans "No one," 

He endures an hour of teasing from Tae, then dodges all her attempts to find out everything about Hijikata in a fantastic display of verbal acrobatics - and yes, somehow she knows about him, guessing that it was 'the pretty lawyer boy' on the first try. Maybe he's not as sneaky or discreet as he thinks, but he can dodge verbal traps like nothing else.

He lets Kagura nab the last piece of meat from his plate and drops his head onto his forearms. "What am I going to do?" he laments.

"Get married to him and pop out some kids, I suppose." Tae says gravely, picking some mushrooms out of the pot and putting them on top of her rice. 

"We're both men." he replies dryly. 

"Right!" Tae snaps her fingers. "Then adopt! Get a dog together."

"Does it bother you?" The question leaves Gintoki on a shallow breath, and Tae puts down her chopsticks. 

"No," she says slowly. "Why would it? And even if it bothered me, what was I going to do about it?" She gives a meaningful look to Shinpachi and Kagura, who obediently place their hands over their ears. "I couldn't care less where you put your dick or your heart. As long as you're safe and happy. And it sounds like you've got it bad for this pretty boy." 

Gintoki blushes but nods stoically. "Drinks are on me next time, Otae."

"Hey now, of course they are!" She grins. 

**  
_now_

Friday couldn't come fast enough, but it was also coming much too quickly. Living with Hijikata was great and all, but planning for Friday while also keeping it a secret from him was _hard_. Hijikata was curious, tenacious, and really fucking stubborn if he was after something. By some stroke of luck, Gintoki manages to plan the entire thing and even jot down notes for a proposal speech. He scraps every copy though, and decides to do it on the fly.

Then he wakes up and it's Friday and he feels a heavy resolution sink into the marrow of his bones. He takes a moment to just stare at the ceiling, collecting himself, before turning his head to look at Hijikata, turned away from him and fast asleep on the pillow beside him. Gintoki touches the fine strands of his hair and the soft skin at the nape of his neck before getting up. He's asked for the day off from Otose's, and he makes breakfast for the two of them before Hijikata even wakes up. 

There's the telltale creak of the mattress and the groan of Hijikata stirring, and he wanders out into the kitchen with his arms above his head in a stretch. He blinks owlishly at him. 

"How come you're up so early?" He asks, his voice rough from sleep. 

"Couldn't sleep," Gintoki shrugs, and Hijikata frowns. 

"Something wrong?"

"Yeah, you steal all the blankets." He snorts, and dodges the resulting kick to his thigh. 

"Seriously." He raises his eyebrows at him, blue eyes piercing. 

"Yeah, me too. Seriously." They stare at each other for a while before Hijikata huffs and puts his arms around Gintoki's waist. 

"Smells good," Hijikata rasps, sticking his face into the crook of Gintoki's shoulder. He kisses absently at the skin beneath his ear before loosing a jaw-cracking yawn and wandering away to wash up for the day. The exchange leaves Gintoki feeling faint with nerves, and he very nearly puts his hand on the burner of the stove before yanking it away at the last second. 

He comes back freshly shaven and smelling faintly of soap and aftershave, his shirt still untucked and his tie slung over the back of his chair. He digs into breakfast with gusto, flipping through the paper with his glasses perched crookedly on the bridge of his nose. 

He's sitting at the genkan putting on his shoes and Gintoki passes him his briefcase and his scarf, and kisses him goodbye. Hijikata leaves and he can imagine him on the street, walking at his brisk and hurried pace through the crowd of people also on their way to work, and it all reminds him of a stream filled with fish. 

When it's around 7PM Gintoki walks over to his office, bundled up in a borrowed scarf and his warmest coat, jittery , nerves rattling his bones. He leans halfway into the shadow of the building, but when Okita is leaving he catches his eye and nods at him, discreetly drawing a finger across his throat. Gintoki nods back jerkily and smiles weakly, and then he sees Hijikata and his heart calms. 

"Over here, Hijikata-kun," he calls, and watches him turn and smile. 

"What are you doing here?" Hijikata asks, shifting his hold on his bag.

"Wanted to come pick you up." He shrugs. "Let's go home." He takes a breath to steady himself but finds himself already steady; there are people but he takes his hand in his own anyway and tugs him gently close, pretending not to see the warmly surprised look on Hijikata's face. It's like a shield around the both of them as they walk home together. 

He puts his hand inside his pocket and his heart starts hammering as his fingers brush across the top of the velvet box. This is real. This is real. 

When they get to their apartment, Hijikata starts patting his pocket for his keys.

"Wait, not right now. There's something I want to show you." Gintoki points to the flight of stairs that go up to the roof. He nods slowly and follows him upstairs. The metal steps creak and groan with their weight, and it adds to the dissonant symphony of blood rushing in his ears, of his heartbeat nearly deafening him. He takes a breath that he hopes isn't too audible, but the world is on his side today; the wind drowns him out as they reach the roof.

The whole of Tokyo spreads out around them like a sea of lights, and they're the only ones left in the world on their tiny, dark raft. Their breath smokes and steams in front of them, and Hijikata puts down his briefcase and leans back against the railing, looking at Gintoki with unfathomable eyes. Funny that he should be looking at him and not the lights. Funny that Gintoki's heart is in his throat, beating so hard he can feel his own pulse at his temples. The wind whips his hair into a frenzy, and the amber and white of the lights make him glow around the edges. Gintoki loves him. He loves him more than anything he's ever known, anything he will ever know. He's the luckiest person to ever walk this earth. 

He gets a vision of Hijikata in a bed, sunlight lying like a lover against cream-pale sheets; him standing in a river, standing in armor in front of ghost-pale walls, pointing up at the branches of a persimmon tree. A memory - no, rather a deep, jerking feeling of deja vue, of his fingertips pressing into the small of Hijikata's back, of smoothing over ink-black hair, touching a scar. He blinks and the thoughts are gone, replaced with the real Hijikata, the one in front of him, who opens his mouth to say something. 

"Wait," He says again, taking his hand and pointing up at the sky. "I know it's not stars, but - look."

Hijikata looks up. Right on cue, like they're in a movie: fire blooms and sparks into flowers and splashes of light, putting lightning and wonder into his eyes. His lips are parted on a small smile as he watches the sparks flip and flash in the sky like a triumphant blaze of victory, and Gintoki could watch him forever. He could worship this. He falls to his knees, and Hijikata turns to him, a frown on his face from the sudden movement, and he freezes. 

"What are you doing?" He says over the snarls of firecrackers. His eyes are wide with disbelief and what looks almost like fear.

"I'm proposing to you, idiot," Gintoki wipes at his eyes and tells himself it's from the wind. "You have no idea how grateful I am for you - you saved me, you anchor me everyday, and you remind me that I do deserve good. I'm in love with you. I love you so much it hurts - I could die from it, but I know I would find you again so that I could do it all over again. And I'm lucky - I'm so goddamn lucky that you're mine. So please, please - " his hands shake like leaves in a windstorm, like the fog along a riverbank as he takes out the ring. His heart is in his mouth, aching; he wonders if Hijikata will be able to taste it. Hijikata's hands are trembling too, and his eyes are so, so bright. 

"I know we can't marry here, but I - "

Hijikata blinks down at him and a firework explodes into being behind him. He slowly lowers himself to his knees so that they're eye level, and he reaches for Gintoki's face. His heart is hammering away at his insides. His eyes are endless. 

He kisses him, and he is shaking beneath his hands, tasting of salt and sparks. A thousand moments but they don't compare - Hijikata tilts their foreheads together and smiles at him.

"Yes, Gintoki, yes."

A blossom of fire above them as they kiss, as Gintoki slips the ring onto Hijikata's shaking hand with his own trembling fingers. The press of shaking lips against the backs of his shaking fingers. 

If he flew above the city, and he could see as far as a hawk, as far as a swallow; would he be able to see himself and Hijikata, crouched on that rooftop, falling into each other and holding each other up? They're tied together, they hold onto each other, twisted together and still holding on. They glow. He imagines that he flies up, higher than any cloud, high enough that the earth turns its face away from the sun and towards the moon, and still he would be able to see them, glowing and safe on their own small, dark raft among that sea of lights and stars, floating on their own current. 

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening CONSTANTLY to greed by jiwoo and listen before i go by billie eilish as I was writing this fyi. As always, thank you for reading - tell me what you think! I always have more things in the works; I'm on tumblr @drunkmaenad if you ever want to talk fics with me >:) . mwah! Stay safe everyone!


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